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Your life can flash infront of your eyes at any point in time and you not even know its coming. Anything can happen so fast its not funny, or even sometime fair. I say this because I almost lost my sister the other night. We found her knocked out, she'd been drinking so doing drugs. Her boyfriend is the one who told us and by the time we found her she was almost dead. Right now I don't know her reason for doing this to herself, I don't if it was because of something someone said or did or what. But when I found out my sister almost died I just had a break down.. I haven't been having break downs lately though i just thought if I lost my sister I would die.



I've been sucked into the drug thing before. I'm just lucky I was talked out of it. But at the time if I lost my life I felt it didin't matter. My mom got me help and I went to drug therapy two times a week. I don't ever want to see my sister the way I was. I don't want anyone to be like that. Drugs can really control your life if you're not careful I just think not starting then in the end you'll be greatful. I hope my brother doesn't start doing drugs when he's older.

I was sitting on my bed with my blade thinking about what would happen if I killed myself. What would happen to my little girl, my brother and sister, my pets. I took the blade to my arm, but then the thought of my little girl growing up without a mother. I kept going back to my friend, Megan, who doesn't know her mom or dad. My pain grow more...I wanted to cut but the thought of taking my life to stop my pain and little my daughter live without me got worse. I couldn't think of anything to do but cry, I took my baby in my arms and cried. I haven't cried since I was 13, after my brother was born.



Then my train of thought went to the night Traci was born, I wasn't going to keep her but when they put her in my arms I didn't want to let go. As long as she's alive I'll never let go of her. I didn't know love until she came into my world. Before her all I did was work, and study. Even though my mom kicked me out I think I can make it. My friends always tell me I'm the strongest person they know. I do call myself strong. I've been through hell a few times and I'm still alive.



I've never really thought about this before until a friend told me to think about it. He's a good friend, knows what I'm kinda going through..I guess what I was tryin to say there is he's always there for me. Most of my friends are potheads, so I can't really talk to them about anything.



I'm lucky I have my daughter to keep me going everyday. I didn't know until today that she's the reason I wake up, but I do now. I've never really thought about it I guess. I know one thing, she'll always be there for me no matter what..



I'm gonna close up for now, I need to get to work at six am...I'll keep writing..laterz

Today was awful, my mother kicked me out of the house. She gave me two weeks to find somewhere to live. I have no clue what I'm gonna do. I guess this wouldn't be so bad if I didn't have Traci, but I do. I can't believe she's doing this to me.



I guess sometimes my mom can be unfair, but this is way unfair. If I wasn't 18 she'd make me go live with my dad. But I'm not, she kicked me out...I have no where to go. Gosh I hate life..just kill me now and get it over with.



I don't understand how someone could do this to their own daughter..It reminds me of the time my dad picked his stupid ass girlfriend over his three kids, and his grandchild. I have no clue on what I'm going to do, I guess all the money I had saved for school is gonna have to go to a house so we can have a roof over our head.



I'll never treat my kids like this. If I do kill me...